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New York hey Jonathan welcome of the Dave Ramsey show how are you tonight I'm doing fine and good evening -- -- could in my quote certainly what's up.
Yeah well I just want to get your opinion on something I'm going -- one of the worst.
Bill what it used to describe it isn't like an economic tornado and it's to no fault of my own.
Basically I'm going through a bitter divorce.
And I'm losing everything.
I mean my house has already been contracted for -- I have to sign the contract tomorrow evening I've been forced.
Can sell my home.
You know a lot of fun gone -- all of my savings.
All my stocks.
And Don basically when all of a sudden -- I'm gonna have to a more than 60%.
Of -- -- salary.
For child support and alimony.
And I I just have a sense of hopelessness and despair.
And -- had no fault of my own I was a good husband and I'm grateful although.
And I was just wanna learn what suggestion you might have that didn't get me through this.
And it's Oklahoma's being sold.
Four -- because to give her money her what.
Well yes because as you know they consider them now -- -- it sure and you know so therefore.
She's entitled to have -- and didn't based upon all of my mortgage payment and is.
There's no way and with my.
There's no way I'd be able to carry the load for buying around and keep the asset.
Myself I had no choice but the Charlotte and by the way I'm shelling it for 25000.
Dollars left and I paid for him.
-- -- has the market that we're in right now.
Usually I make a year.
-- my my that's another thing my base salary is roughly 70000 dollars a year.
-- what they doing New York State.
Basically our goal on what's called imputed income and they go back in -- they look at -- any overtime money.
That you made -- -- the last couple years and they factor that in and the ironic thing is that there's a cat of 80000 dollars.
That's supposed to be placed.
Upon -- the income -- however because I live in Westchester County.
You know which is one of the more affluent counties and state of all New York.
You know they they they generally go above and beyond that because of the location.
Which doesn't make sense to me.
But that's who -- the lawyers explain it to me.
I've not been -- what you're going through.
And in the sense of I have worked with.
Lots and lots of couples as they went through divorces and worked with the money piece of it anyway.
And you know.
You know I think it's wise for use it down when your priest your rabbi your pastor a good counselor.
And just personally take this home as an emotional.
For your reset your life.
If you're not careful and I've met people this way and you have to.
Ten years from now you'll still be talking about the divorces if it was yesterday because -- still space present.
You know still -- right into the front of your mind all the time.
And you know not to diminish that you've gone through some hurtful things some things it would make any other -- angry -- bit.
All of those things are very true and in you know it is your range -- what would your anger and bitterness be justified yet would be.
The question you gotta ask yourself as and I think there's a process only this a one day.
Revelation a strike of lightning or something but the question you've gotta ask yourself is from an emotional standpoint from spiritual standpoint.
Whoa what emotions are are gonna take you where you want to be in ten years.
You don't want to be ten years from now broke and broken and bitter by the divorce.
You want to get past it I mean that would be common sense right.
Yeah but -- he will be broke broken.
And better from the divorce and let your very intentional.
And very purposeful -- it with dealing with this crap that you're dealing.
Now I have had experience that -- in that.
The same thing in a sense of traumatic life experience of going bankrupt -- -- when he's losing everything -- to start completely over.
And I was the idiot that signed up for the trip but the banks didn't have to do to me what they did to -- sought out pretty ticked off.
To say the least and a bidder might be of better word.
And you know twenty years later do -- sit around and dwell about what that banker did this or that banker -- batter.
Whatever and you know not really don't indictments and around and go -- I wish I could have done this or that different not really I even forgave myself.
And went on for my part in the process.
And and you know I don't know what part you had in the process but at least there's a 1% part you have the process.
So some percentage there.
And you know so you know I think what you're asking to me is is -- is a mental health and a spiritual question.
Is how do you get on with life after.
Devastating stuff knocks you off your -- How to get back on the horse.
And I think that's a process of healing.
And a lot of healing has to do with a word that's really tough for a guy like you -- -- were both kind of strong.
In your face kind of guys I can tell us -- talking to you and the word is forgiveness.
And it's only way that.
You know let's everything go.
And so you can go to the future rather than living in the past.
When you do that will affect your finances and how quickly rebuild your finances do because the actions you take your finances are based -- your hope for the future.
And so that's prospered so much time in this discussion kind of being touchy -- you were you know from -- relational if you will.
But I would that I wanted to counselor and you know if your church god given there was a preacher -- rabbi and whatever and let them.
Help you reset yourself in a sense of forgiveness and go through that process of putting this behind you again it's not something you can just the stab wound up I feel better now -- work that way it takes time to -- And -- -- from a bankruptcy even with forty years in this out of a completely healed.
Emotionally but and financially by and I think the two -- tied together that's.
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