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How -- spouse you know.
That is worth it to work -- -- Well that's a good question because a lot of times a spouse that finds themselves in that.
Situation has been an -- all along.
And they've kind of believe what somebody says a little more than what they do.
And I say to people if you find yourselves in that crossroad.
Then what you've got to do is just pull the plug on everything.
And you've got to pull back in you've got to get -- and coaches because by definition.
Your people picker is a little off already.
And your your -- right.
-- -- sad you know your emotions are in the way and it may -- your fear in your dependency is in the way as well you know you're good judgment.
-- needs some help so get circled around with some good people.
And -- what you gotta do is you've got to create a structure if you want this to work.
You've got to create a structure.
Where he or she.
Has got to join hands.
And go forward meeting certain benchmarks.
You know you don't take somebody backing and just don't I'm sorry.
You take somebody back -- based on I'm sorry that is followed.
With some significant.
In the relationship in working on themselves and going to counseling maybe -- -- groups.
Some change that you can see and trust is earned it's not just freely given.
But it can happen I've seen it happen a thousand the difference between forgiveness -- essentially you know if people could learn that distinction day.
That forgiveness has to do with the past it only takes one person to forget.
But to reconcile.
It takes two people and the offender has got to come and say.
I don't want to do this again I want to make our relationship for.
And here's the path that we're gonna walk off.
And then if they stopped walking on that path that they stopped going and they think that counseling or they start their -- ways.
Then that's where just like -- earlier caller with money that's where the eviction notice against him.
How different amounts of -- in the years ago just blew me away couldn't believe we go to dinner just -- I'm here confess to you.
And I'm from multiple her -- why he and his wife of the friends of and I of course causes Ottawa on him so naive I had probably there were signs but on this presidency at all -- -- -- shock.
But I have worked with addicts for me because I come -- ball -- have financial problems that goes with the territory.
And is also well -- you know the first thing -- know about you visualize her.
And -- continue to be a liar and so I will no longer judge you on who you are willing to judge you on the steps -- -- And you want to walk with you out of this I'll walk with you as a good friend -- issue freaking me out I don't like you right now.
But I'm gonna stick by you as a friend and what we've got -- this but here you're -- -- these four things.
You don't of these four things one time I'm done -- I'm done with -- tell your wife the same thing.
If she doesn't do the field before things and sadly you know what happened he didn't know he didn't -- but sometimes they did.
And me is.
Is a man I guess so I guess maybe he really was an addict I don't know because he didn't come around -- it will wasn't simple.
I'm sorry repentant I'm gonna turn in these of the steps from -- take a walk out.
There one that so yes I've.
But it but what if they can't they can't choose they can but the key so often is what you said about the spouse.
You're gonna require her to do her for things.
And they're the ones that have the leverage.
You know if if they if they get flimsy with the limits in the requirements.
Then that person's character is just gonna go right back where it was -- you can turn things around.
But you can't turn it around without the structure and the boundaries that are require that requires.
Steps of change yes I don't know -- say you know my husband won't work done -- requires.
That he start working part -- the stuff we can measure that it right it's very very measurable and I'll tell you another really really important part of this is.
The community in the context.
That a couple -- themselves.
Every time I've ever seen one of these scenarios.
They're sort of like offense.
And she's got her friends over here there's sand blow the bomb off get out of here you know he's better whatever it is.
And the only other sad she's got some friends.
That are committed to the family they're committed to their relationship then I have a letter gets stepped on her or hurt her beta -- -- But they're gonna stand with her and him like you did with that guy.
-- to gross something in the context of the community you never see people rarely see people.
Do anything financial or marriage or anything.
Apart from a community that's going in the same direction -- -- small group of people.
You need friends and hold you accountable and in that garden you can grow something different but you know I -- doing on your.
It's -- to be real.
You know a lot of people come to the Dave Ramsey financial peace.
University they're they're joining a community of people that are thinking in ways that are going to get them financially healthy.
What that's what you gotta do and parenting and marriage and business you know that we know from research.
And some cool resurgent last.
Few years that all of this -- life stuff it's contagious.
You know they they look at concentric circles if your head being.
You're going to have heavy people around you by and large if you start -- skinny people around you you begin to lose weight same thing about all aspects of life.
Do you plant yourself will.
Is that kind of garden that you you're gonna grow and it has real effects when -- become with your friends -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- That are good to have you gotta be here to thank you for being here.
Folks if you love what we're saying this stuff is real.
It's life stuff the book is called integrity the courage to meet the demands of reality.
That you can by the trying to out of discount on our website Abrams dot com free shipping -- not a bad deal.
And this is -- guy you gotta read this is the guy you got enough.
So my check out -- clouds website at DR Henry are out there in the recount stopped Cotto at this doctor clouds are just doctor -- dot our FaceBook and I mean -- in many -- all over the place.
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