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And that is on the line and is in Pittsburgh I am Howard -- And I gained thanks for taking my call and get a good.
Good how can -- help tonight.
I'm calling because we have the killing members who are consistently out -- -- -- them out of a financial -- they're having in Oppenheim that putting up some of it but it's an urgent matter they need money like.
Today or tomorrow or yesterday.
-- -- we have helped them numerous times in the past but.
They've lived irresponsibly.
And -- -- borderline homeless now and one how to make a gambling problem and another one.
Can't hold a job and -- So there's not enough money in the world for you to help them is there.
Now because they don't really have a financial problems -- have screwed up lives that are leading them to financial problems.
But right and there's children involved here which -- you know our concern -- enter their eight feet which is finally.
We have helped them out the -- how many other people helped -- out your business what my brother and sister what -- Right.
He -- her brother in law -- but the problem is you're not helping them are you.
Elway nod and we'd -- to be able to help them by.
We have to -- limit ourselves and what you know and Andy fight we've given them has never really been taken anyway and there's no more money.
-- there's no more money I mean we really you know we were recently gonna help.
Someone with the -- and then we found out I got a phone call from someone he says.
He would vote.
A couple thousand dollars -- any other people and you know that it works and I both cold and you know it's again it's it's young -- is coming down the liar where they're going you listen you can buy a bag of.
-- trees to feed the kids -- you cannot give these adults anymore money.
-- enter it yeah right exactly and -- -- enabling them and -- what I would suggestion is let me tell you I'll give your book that -- absolutely adore you will devour it.
It's called boundaries by doctor Henry cloud.
Because when you set boundaries with boundary less people.
They become angry.
And you've become the evil heartless rich person who won't help your own -- And they become travel agents for guilt trips they will -- you a trip.
You know I'm saying.
And they're getting ready to set some boundaries and you need to know how to do that.
And then -- if you get your finances in a position where you choose to help them later.
All help financial is conditional.
You never again give them cash -- -- they are matching it.
It would and you -- and you find out the source from which they're matching it and you don't give them cash except dependent upon their negative behaviors changing.
If you give a drug addict the money they will do drugs if you give a gambling addict money they won't gamble.
-- that's what I gambling problem.
Is you mentioned that.
Why because she can't you simply cannot give the money.
You're not helping -- your assisting them and will wallowing in their crap.
-- and you know we.
We've actually pay directly if you look at -- -- you know that look you know that we needed but.
It doesn't matter if that's the same as giving them money.
Right because the next time you know can't pay their light bill the next time they need they have money instead of having it I don't like -- they gamble so you give money to gamble.
I they are making these choices not you.
And honestly I'm sorry but the children thing is a rationalizations.
Of children are fine.
There -- dysfunctional family but other than that they're fun.
There eating you know if they go out homeless you can take command.
Great if they literally get put -- -- -- you can take the kids than for awhile.
If they're actually hungry go buy them some -- trees.
But I cannot financially support this behavior moment if you're not helping or hurting.
I that's what enablers do enablers are really nice people wanting to do a nice thing.
And instead they end up hurting people -- cause they did the nice thing the wrong way.
-- everything you do in the future has to be based on condition of behavior and character change.
And as you clean your life up and as you start behaving Iowa looks issue to the -- you -- I'm done.
I love -- too much to hurt you anymore.
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