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We're gonna start off with Atlanta Georgia tonight and -- is on the phone hi -- welcome to the Dave Ramsey show how are you.
I'm can kind of day for I'm taking my call on helping me with this issue how how long and how can -- help.
Hank I started your program -- married.
I started your program about three years again when I first started my husband meanwhile has anything to do it that he didn't want to do it.
And I just -- -- head and started what I could.
And then after a few months of -- the program and I would trading your goods so blowing around and I did not my husband into doing it hacker he must be filing said okay you know I'll wolf.
I'll you know come on get -- with gears and and -- -- this together.
I yet I'd get.
Probably seven the coolest -- -- -- -- and -- is.
It's pedal to be like 809 B a month out of that the picture yeah.
And so I'm working -- -- work comment friend.
I found out.
About only because that he would try to get 500 dollars I think -- -- trying to count.
And I got really upset about it and he would find that it would.
Yes I can now countryside that came out of his money that he gets out of the chat at a -- check every month.
And that it wasn't affecting the family could get him.
The other thing that -- would -- you can drill that was.
Money balancing we opened -- joining count because he -- the ever growing our wine and about where we quit his.
Portion of his -- that he did which he constantly I've heard all that accounts to I'm having the train for money so that's another reason alliger -- how.
How old and her husband.
And he forty warn them what to do for a living.
-- gonna like going to hear he's an engineer.
And get a centrist and -- -- what what is your household income.
Well we -- Like hundred pounds and how long government.
I am sleeping together seventeen years then you wanna be married before.
We -- And -- Well I gotta tell you your marriage has slowly during that seventeen years deteriorated.
I do not hear much intimacy in this discussion.
I don't hear much communication in this discussion on how much cooperation on -- much respect for trust.
Don't know I mean when you -- -- -- talk about life's issues as reflected in your money.
You don't care for each other much.
Well I I'd hear why and who.
I mean I -- I wanted to point I'm not I don't know I don't know what point I.
Point is it that you miss it -- telling me that your husband who has an engineering degree -- keep -- free can checkbook balanced.
And he's not being a man and he's not participating -- his wife and I agree with you.
And and all of those things have turned you into a mag which is something you didn't want me.
Because that's how you feel half the time you're stuck you're barking in nipping at his heels all the time because there's just no closeness there's no discussion there's no.
Meeting of the minds there's no common goals is like he's got his life over here just don't bother me.
And meanwhile you're trying to be the grown up in the family and this is very very frustrating for you.
And you know it's not going to good places.
And I do think there's not a mind set of mechanics there's not a technique that can give you.
When your husband and you are not on the same page to be able to win with money.
I don't want -- -- western you can fix it.
Yes and I.
And I know long this fight everything you're telling me it makes me very -- yeah I don't wanna be here and actually I don't nag him anymore because -- does not good so I don't even.
I do a lot of writing about the situation we cannot yet.
Thing I can't help feeling and I got tired of bright -- and basically got this should be quiet because.
He can't -- god if I'm constantly griping -- so I did that.
-- but he really asking him about this there's no matter a million little humility in this discuss your your correct you are correct and so I think -- we continue to sit down your pastor and start a marriage counseling process.
I would like getting that that he I mean I just say this but he's very calmly hit unwilling to do that kind of telling your gonna go to marriage counseling without him.
I kind well -- I guess my I had my big my biggest question is.
Did they influence the influence what -- thought.
This whom I wanted to talk to somebody -- that didn't know what that was objective.
I've got two options if I can tell him that out of his.
890 dollars to get the mind he can take his -- and he can pay them off or not pay them off whatever he wants the days.
Or I can -- continue.
You know working at the fly ball would play.
Portion that could shaking -- name and -- -- Or feeling like none of the above because both -- suck.
Still not dealing with the issue at the core this.
I know but I don't I don't know you've got to deal with the core issue and that's your marriages breaking down and if you don't deal -- none of the rest this is gonna matter.
And I'm not trying to be Dr.
Phil or melodramatic or something here.
But realistically -- and financial counseling for twenty something years.
And I don't see couples unless they learn to get on the same page you you can't prop him up enough to allow him to bounce checks.
There's no system that you can come up with it's going to do that.
And so you need to explain to him that this is a big deal.
And that you're tired of it and it's not gonna go on anymore you're not gonna put up more -- anymore.
And you're gonna sit down with the pastor and start getting some marital counseling are you coming.
If -- -- -- that's -- -- go talk to somebody and you begin to get some professional help on how do you deal with.
This but my opinion as and it's not that I'm just so black and white -- and dogmatic and got no.
Mean wiggle room here but the practical fact is you can't fill in the hole faster than you can they get.
And and you can try to isolate yourself from him but those are just the beginnings of a divorce -- -- you know one step further down the road we're gonna separate everything.
Let's what we do -- affordable or someone to give him an allowance lackeys for -- holding can't be a grown up well that's what we do -- before we lose respect and also married to him anymore.
That this stuff has got to stop hop.
Some that's where I am on -- hope that.
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