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In private deet tails public -- -- -- right are you guilty of it over sharing personal information with anybody.
Here with ways to avoid laughing your business Elizabeth Bernstein columnist for the Wall Street Journal Elizabeth thank you for coming on.
Appreciate your time so why did people do this.
Well I think we.
All do it at some point and what is really happening.
Psychologists say -- we get very nervous and it's called self regulation and we want to make a good impression we're trying to be witty and Smart.
And that type of a lot of brain power and we have less brain power to censor ourselves really.
Maybe that's my problem you know all that brain power going to trying to be witty and Smart and you can't think.
Now you say certain people are more likely to do this and others like -- But some people are more likely and I've talked a lot of people today since my story ran a couple of months -- women.
When women talk a lot I will have admit that but actually it's people who have something called an anxious attachment style.
And it -- be men or women they're people who.
Care a lot about relationships they wanted to close but they're constantly monitoring how they're doing in a relationship so they get nervous and they tend to overshadow.
They talk they -- you know I'm thinking social media makes this worse.
Because you don't even have to bother picking up the -- seeking somebody out -- to sit down with your PC or your iPad.
And and the -- away.
Blab away and when we're behind a computer screen or any kind of screen we don't think that were actually broadcasting which is what we're doing.
And social media has given us a world where it seems like nothing should be private anymore.
Our thoughts about how you know how you stop yourself from doing this 'cause it's not obvious I think for a lot of people you say recognize situations where you might over share.
Because sort of think about what our moms all probably taught us you want to.
Think before you open your mouth and we think ahead I'm gonna meet with my boss she always makes me nervous -- -- -- all sorts indeed -- -- with -- get through beforehand.
That's a big big ship.
It's not true it's always the people you don't want to talk to -- in -- telling thanks to its bizarre are right you say have to ask yourself with the listener has time to listen obviously is this the right context of this conversation.
He can't a listener halftime but also are they emotionally available to somebody who even wants to receive this information.
Am I gonna get what I want which is to feel less anxious and that relationship if over Sharon's gonna make you.
More anxious you need to clam.
-- -- still I would I would think a lot of people think they're gonna relieve anxiety by doing this is that the case.
They're not even if you really think about it you know you're gonna feel where she can feel like an idiot at least I do so have I ever shares like I think that's a big deal and then if you're like me want to go back and apologize.
And say oh.
You know I'm so sorry -- over shared its.
Don't do it it's gonna make it worse still easily imagine the negative effects of over sharing tell me about that.
Exactly you want to think an -- that's another way to keep yourself from doing it.
Think through you know last time I did says it was -- -- word I felt weird I'm sorry I told them my business.
Think it through and you really will realize that it won't make you feel batter he won't feel closer which is what subconsciously want.
Can you not get the batters have so be it -- the other side of the equation what if somebody is over sharing with you what are you supposed to do.
Well this actually happens to me a lot I put in my article that.
A three times in one week somebody said three different people said to me you don't want to tell you something I've never told anybody not my spouse not my therapist and I thought and now.
So I I didn't try to deal with the -- people write me.
I I feel like what you need to do is smile bit find a way to change the subject pretty quickly or say look.
You know I I'm sure that this is interesting but I'm a little time -- you wanna find a polite way -- an option.
Keep coming back I can't tell -- Hey I hear it's 81 degrees in Miami and it looks fantastic there I'm jealous are gonna tell Elizabeth thanks for coming on that I agreed to see him and knock it over share okay.
I'm done with it didn't give me -- --
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