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Peter Bregman is with as CEO -- there and Peter here to talk about what to do if you make someone in the office angry and Peter panning the answer is.
Simple but not necessarily.
Easy that's exactly right and you don't any time your emotions are involved it's often simple and never never easy.
And -- one thing I'll say also is that this advice.
Works equally equally well maybe even better at home as -- -- in the office okay so so this is you know how -- -- when an up and when you've anger someone here's what to do.
And this and -- this started because you were running late not so so I you know -- also a personal library book.
On managing time so it's a little embarrassing to say on -- that I'm -- a lot but -- why -- wrote the book.
And it's and and -- I came late dinner with my wife -- or who is very generous about my being late but this time to sort of upset.
And -- -- and I was saying look there's like a good reason you don't understand I.
-- and then -- subway and now.
The client alien isn't yet to -- across and and for her she would like -- I've been waiting here for thirty minutes and we both got into this sort of deadlock where I wanted to explain -- -- why I was late and I wondered understand.
She wanted me to understand that you've been waiting there for thirty minutes.
And the dinner was not our best -- and and it's up to those talking with a friend of mine again and can hardy who's family -- not my family therapist but -- family therapist.
And really Smart guy here and he had -- right exactly -- he did.
And and what he said is lucky you fell into the typical error in as the error of the distinction between intention and consequences.
So I'm coming here saying it was not my intention to be late.
I want you to see that my intentions are pure I have good intentions on the good guy.
Meanwhile the person -- angry at me isn't worried about my intentions what they're worried about is the consequence.
Of my action on them.
So I'm talking about intentions -- talking about consequences and -- not having the same conversation.
Married are you late because you're just cyclone whatever I gotta -- do this one thing are you lead because.
The subway you would delaying -- -- -- -- -- cat than in your -- testing is.
-- -- I mean the kid says the intention matters more to the person who was -- men does to the person who is waiting there for thirty days.
What kind of competition comes up a lot in terms of people being offended or not offended in -- and it.
Question now becomes round of what was the intention behind the common brain and the comment to be offended and some people -- -- on that and then other people apparently don't.
Well so here is also where it it comes into play especially an organization.
Which is it has to do with the rank with what you're -- of my rank -- higher in an organization.
Then I'm gonna say I didn't intend for you to feel that way.
And they're saying well but that's kinda how I felt.
Right and and when I'm stuck in my intention I'm coming at this from my perspective.
I'm coming this from -- I'm not but but because I have more power to them or rake in the organization.
I have this power over people and they're feeling the consequences of my action in a way that I'm not fully understanding.
So the strongest way to respond to that is to put yourself in effect in their shoes.
If you're gonna really look at it from their perspective.
Then you'll start talking about the consequences instead of the intention the intention is what's going on in your head the consequences of what's going on in their -- And when you're talking about what your intention was -- in your perspective.
And you're even getting farther and farther and farther with -- you think you're doing a better job did you think what you're doing as you're saying to them.
Well you know.
I want you to see that I didn't want to hurt you that's fine the way you want me to say is that I did hurt you.
And when I acknowledge that you feel -- you feel heard you feel recognized.
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