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Peter Bregman with tips to help strengthen your no, so you can concentrate on your own priorities
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So my first word as a kid was no my dad asked -- something and I said now.
But I since forgotten what that word means so Peter Bregman.
Leadership expert and CEO advisor can you please.
Tell everybody has a hard time with been no word.
Understand that sometimes it's good at it and beneficial to -- now.
Yeah you know the airplane is great I hadn't really thought about that -- my kids are very very -- -- thing right and so what happened when did we lose that and I think.
You know at a certain point we try to please people -- tried you know not miss any opportunities and and so suddenly were overwhelmed and you know we we see this in organizations that organizations have a hard time saying no and so they end up working on too many projects in the none of them really go anywhere.
And individuals I mean we're all running around I had dinner with some friends of mine the other night.
And every single one of us one by one we're talking about how overwhelmed of where and and decision Catholic yeah exactly what about the one thing we really wanted to do -- -- -- hang -- and -- -- -- But our minds we're constantly going towards our phones you know because -- everything -- -- -- well.
Hello today's the national day unplugging -- that's Giuliani fine from sundown tonight it's like to -- it's about real -- -- men and and I perfect perfect this will be much about -- -- think that's great amount by the time differ from -- not.
OK so it is a part of five practices to help people out they're saying -- to live up to their own expectations.
And -- what else is our starting with.
You know your note and when I think no -- -- -- understand what it is you wanna say yes to and understand what it is you wanna say no to.
So there's a lot of times when we don't even.
You know someone makes a request and we haven't really thought through is -- something I wanna -- or not and we just say yes right away.
And it's really good idea before hand I mean I advocate this at the beginning of every year.
To decide if you think you're gonna focus on and really make those your focus of the year and when someone asks you to do something think for second does this fit in.
With -- top few priorities -- decided.
No -- some items and you know there's god but isn't it those other -- that aren't part of years.
Path that things that open up -- and might well be that.
Our friends -- seductive isn't it it is so seductive.
The idea nobody is the -- -- where we say it it's it's a disease right called.
Fear of missing out -- right hemisphere missing out but what if what if about one party is the party that I -- the -- to me that what if you know the one of them is the event that I meet the client that's gonna blow my business out of the water and -- we end up doing.
Everything.
And when we don't get a return of the end we're so exhausted that would were have that opportunity.
You know we don't really sort of self because they're just so exhausted and immediately you meet someone and ago a high but not the right person nonstop for two hours of that are so.
So you know you you it's very seductive to say I might miss out an opportunity and there's some.
Usefulness.
To admitting upfront I -- gonna miss out on opportunities that Woody Allen said 80% is just showing up.
And I think that's true but if we show up everywhere for everything then that's no longer the 80%.
Oftentimes an -- same note that request and the -- exactly.
And in fact I would always say that meaning that.
One of the things you try to do sometimes if you're gonna say -- to someone is avoid the person right so that way they can asking the question in the first place.
Begins to hurt the relationship and you don't need to hurt the relationship in fact I suggest a couple of things.
One of the things -- suggest is to be very appreciative of the request even if you don't wanna do an even if someone says.
You know I have -- really love it you know.
-- if you could just fold my laundry -- be really great right.
And you take this this week.
And as that you can even think like I can -- -- even asked me that that's obnoxious.
But you -- sort of BP -- the fact that you know it's not everyone asked watchman you know only people who are really think have that detail orientation as -- and take is that you know look I appreciate that you would cost me like it tells me something about -- -- -- and and Iowa adore you.
But I really can't do it because.
At this point I've got something more important in our marking on that night -- -- want me to do it I've got.
You know dinner with my family -- rearranging my sock drawer or whatever -- -- that actually gives it actually some very interesting research.
That puts the fact that it doesn't matter what explanation you get right as long as -- given explanation.
So this this this -- teacher -- to bunch of students into ports or Grand Central station.
And asked them to cut the lines.
Right and there were three different terrific content on ticket lines right and and and these students in -- students that they -- with lots of -- It walked and then just cut the line time.
And one set of students gave no explanation.
Let me just -- -- -- They were immediately rejected.
By their immediately spit out by the lines have what value they're -- There was another group of people that gave logical explanation luck -- I need to I need to go because you know my dog is is is -- -- -- as.
-- that would be the second now be the third group that might you know my dog just died and and you know my kids waiting for get home no problem.
Then the the third.
Is a group where they gave an explanation.
But the explanation was nonsensical like things up landscape like a dog -- dog -- documentary.
And and it doesn't make any sense and it doesn't make any sense that you would need to get home you know thirty minutes earlier because you got second -- and yet.
What they found is as long as there was a because as long as there was an explanation.
People accepted it it was there well there's a reason.
So my suggestion if you're -- say no make sure there's an explanation give some explanation.
That actually gives a reason to say I think.
How about you don't -- expect by eight points -- -- Companies she did the end resolutely as their question is that -- absolutely you know we tried that we we feel that we are a wanna be nice about things -- if some of being really really pushing.
I give you permission to be justice please stop loving it does is put back because you know they're being -- they get.
They get pushy they don't have a problem with pushing so you have to draw the boundary of the side.
-- -- -- I mean bigger folding -- everything happens anywhere you already have an excuse thank you so much.
We are going to be our thoughts and US night my playing keeper for coming -- get that.
