You're watching...
Do you feel awkward when you go to a big networking event? Peter Bregman has some tips on what to do
Also in this playlist...
Auto-advance: ON
Auto-advance
This transcript is automatically generated
Peter pregnant you're kidding me now on set.
We're talking about those times when you have a big event to go to you oftentimes are in my case -- alone and -- still little bit awkward.
See pump yourself up and -- -- -- that.
You know it's hard because the idea of networking -- is a very uncomfortable fake.
Put on idea right and I didn't wanna you wanna show up in a room you wanna show up in your best suit -- the best you can and present yourself in the best -- And it's very real because you know that that's only a small part of who you are and you don't even really.
Believe -- entirely in the way you present yourself that you come off awkward.
Come off.
You know trying to be upbeat and and look good and you feel -- and so the relationships you develop in that situation effective.
And I've witnessed it myself and I think you know speaking at a conference -- -- -- stop speaking that I just mingling with people.
I I felt uncomfortable and I felt like -- who really wants to speak to me in this.
You know in this mostly dead I gave up I gave up all -- -- -- a very at a conference as the SXSW so it's -- like everybody.
-- come -- he went to SXSW.
Yeah and well we're talking about the.
I was talking about -- destruction and multitasking goes on a panel with a Wall Street Journal about I'm so.
Dallas I was Williamson here's this episode that's what I thought also I -- -- it's great having to spend extra time there to get everybody tells me a great topics uplifted.
And I found it isolating I found myself you know uncertain awkward and I -- vertigo kind of lost of the crowd.
And it was very very couple -- Until I dropped all pretense that I stopped telling people you know yeah this you know this book oh yeah I was the top ten -- about -- stop kind of I mean that's who I am but it's a lot of pretense to.
Until I gave that up but I can start up conversations that people that included the fact that you know I -- -- fear people are gonna forget me and I write every week.
Feeling chased a little bit by the fact that if I don't write this week or next week or the week after that I'm gonna become nobody -- no one's gonna know why haven't.
That my ideas will lose their -- -- -- successful and well but it's also a part of who I am as human being and a part that I sort of like to hide in the way that many of us like to hide the stuff because.
Who wants to be seen is neurotic and anxious I would never -- compared to Friday -- country that I.
-- -- totally airline okay well yeah what I try to.
To not -- you think about is to admit it and that I have anxiety and that you know -- -- and -- you know.
My book was just chosen as the top thirteen books the changes lives I feel good in the real can.
-- you thank you so I can say that as long as I'm also saying.
That I step at night worried about god forbid becoming a paraplegic.
Like that's just me that's just like that's like my wife and I think.
I -- more interest thing.
As a person and to be in relationship with you when you know both of those things capex.
And so so then you could tell me things about you I'm not -- You know pressure you know a camera but but I you know you can tell -- stuff about you that then we'll have a real relationship -- If all you really care about is networking.
How much more interest did would you be in helping me or me helping you if I really know.
Who yours a person and you really know -- -- this person not just -- faces that we put on and where they accomplish that commitments that we've sort of made.
But -- Who we are its people and we're connected in that way and I will do anything for you.
And I feel connected to the person anything.
And that happens so rarely at these networking events that technically should be encouraging that that's.
Clearly they cannot in their structure and set up -- that.
That's the perfect point to -- make a beautiful plant which is that.
You know in a crowd of 3000 people if you were the one who's being real you have no distinguished itself from 3000 people.
Democrat but does the real person become -- -- -- now.
Well maybe people like -- I think China I don't care explain business -- right so that might be true that might be true and yet.
My being a weirdo allows your reared up to come out -- because we're all pretty weird -- it's it it's a Smart risk to take I think it's a Smart risk to take and -- ultimately a risk that allows you to be yourself fully.
Which is always a Smart was to take.
Because then you're not going around like feeling like -- fraught.
So so I think it's always a Smart risk to take and -- the downside you don't get the business and you are clear who you are.
The upside as you have relationships.
That.
That last may be forever and certainly are deeper than the ones that are built on your role or business card.
You know -- I have interviews not necessarily job there needs but.
I I just -- -- even know the answer they want to hear but I don't give it to them because I feel like I wouldn't be honest with myself that it right.
So just stay with real.
That's a risk I take it all -- -- great risk to take it's a great mistake and the reason is because when your hired.
You now have the freedom to fully be yourself and you know you're hired for that but if you hidden parts of yourself in the interview.
Then when you're hired you're gonna spend the next three years or four years I have a -- to -- that job.
Thinking oh I better not show -- this part of me when they find out they're gonna be disappointed.
Peter -- Life -- thank you for coming on a clear article and your website up on our spring -- -- -- -- -- -- --
