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Is arguing pointless?

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  • Description

    Do you really listen to an opposing view during an argument? Peter Bregman on when to move on

  • Duration 6:19
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This transcript is automatically generated

The market is arguing.

With different forces sent to speak more -- arguing not market related with Peter Bregman joining us once again but.

But how are you Peter -- well thanks how are you good good good -- you wrote this article little while ago.

About you arguing with police officer regular ticket yeah it's.

Find out it's such a non.

Intelligence strategy.

You know when you argue with people all you end up doing is you solidified.

Their perspective -- -- any argument you've had when you really get into -- heated argument.

There have been he would argue with someone -- -- with -- I don't know how.

The totally great that's really interesting and I never thought of it that way.

Well they solidify their position -- even an Indian -- they get defensive they'll even lie and make up data.

In order to prove that the right because they can't stand the idea that -- arguing so aggressively that you would end up being right.

Thanks again it doesn't love an act right so what's needed and that's it seems we've all been there and we keep going back from don't think we don't.

We -- learn from well the best way to end an argument especially with a significant other is to say I'm wrong here right goodnight.

Right yeah that's exactly right I mean that's the key.

Personal it's important to realize that we've become I think as a country -- -- addicted to our opinions and that we -- I -- you know weren't fox right I've had people have a newsletter that I send out and people can.

Can sign up and and see when I'm on TV -- when I read an article about people once -- started working on fox.

People email me -- you know please picking -- -- -- because now that your fox I don't really you know like a hard time with fox.

And it and I and I hear from the -- take -- look.

It's -- me right yeah so they there's so addicted to their opinions that they don't even want to hear their opinions in the wrong channel.

It.

-- -- -- -- -- -- That it's you know we're which is predicted in fact -- -- research that dating has become more of an issue because people.

Can't deal with dating with someone who has different political viewpoint -- well -- people like -- right now -- politics I've posted something to FaceBook Saturday.

Giving fax this is what the markets has done right in the past four years that's it this is what and that's what it's done.

And then you just have people accusing you working for fox look now -- fattest of fat.

Right if I'm not -- -- And you know it's hard so I think -- what do you do about it the first thing that you do is you recognize I think -- pick -- that.

That you recognize is dynamic you recognize that you have really strong opinions probably the person -- you're talking to probably has really strong opinions.

And the resolution.

Of that conflict will never happen -- -- -- with them about it's kind of like congress -- -- -- tell congress exactly -- divisive comments.

And the more you new ground yourself in your opinion the harder it is actually here's some and OK so how do you get -- -- -- moment the case that you stop arguing that's the first thing you do you stop arguing you don't take the -- Argument the second thing if you ask questions to ask them to sort of say you know well that's kind of -- -- tell me more about.

Your view on that.

You know I had a different view but I wanna learn from your view coming more about your view and you let them talk and suddenly as they talk and you listen you're -- -- conversation.

And then you can question some of the things that they're talking about the you're not questioning and aggressively you're talking about it if on the other hand all they wanna do is argue.

That you should smiles -- on the nice to them and walk away.

Don't young students.

Loved well but just don't take the -- right to take -- -- consider it it's it it doesn't end up anywhere that would be useful.

I wonder how often.

You know if we're arguing -- asked to hear my argument right how awesome would it be that the other person nasty -- your argument.

Right -- you know so that's that's a great that's great that's great questions -- great conversation so one of the ways you can promote that.

Is to say you know that's really interesting I hadn't thought about that way if you -- or I haven't looked at the date in the same way.

I had a different view I have I have a different view and then pause and let them say possibly it is even -- awkward moment of silence.

-- -- -- -- -- that's interesting and walk away or say oh that's interest think what's your view.

Right because the best thing you can do is get the other person to ask to hear more about what you have to -- So.

What.

When you almost -- even got that parking ticket did you Iran successfully argue I ran out of.

Ticket I argued and I -- you -- well you know and it was below 96 street in New York so it's like double what it would have been.

I don't -- sixty so walked away with the lesson.

And you know like a hundred million dollar fine for a parking ticket that I could not get out of and it -- it you know there's what is your strategy work welcome that and use my son.

Yeah I developed my strategy based on my I lack of access and OK I don't had a I've been in this situation again is an action that high and it's and I haven't -- situation again I would have actually.

Empathize with their situation and I don't know that I -- gotten out of it but I would have said.

But I guess that are in the wrong place and I got that that you have every right to give me -- you have every right to -- And I just want to appeal to your generosity for one minute to explain why -- -- -- couldn't just say that that's simple.

Maturity and kind cents.

That's absolutely right -- seen in arguing against the parking ticket I was getting I wasn't kind I would hate you aren't I was angry I was like no please don't give -- candidates in particular those near perfect.

But it was the wrong -- -- absolutely right that kindness.

Works wonders and and if you appeal to -- generosity.

And if you're arguing about something like a parking ticket they they have a story about themselves their story about themselves as I'm not gonna buckle under the pressure -- some guy who's not in respecting.

That's not.

That's not -- that yeah that's the story the story is is no way any I think.

But if you respect that if you recognize that they have a hard job that they don't like -- you know these tickets -- that that that they're gonna argue that -- rather than argue with them if you can empathize and connect with the fact.

They're just doing their job and that -- -- not a fun job and that.

And that -- they can be generous and they can make choices that are generous choices in the work that they do they kind of want to be that person.

And you have a much better chance -- and I -- yeah.

Actually -- my -- thank you so much for coming and I thank again on our screens.

And.

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