How to effectively speak to your co-workers

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Peter Bregman -- he's gonna save us from our technical -- Friday it is a couple they show.

-- we're talking about how to effectively speak to our coworkers.

It's yet you know and and actually we're talking about also how to speak to yourself because.

One comes from the other right up.

You know you know how you make a mistake and in your mind you you the -- the first thing you do is you -- an idiot I can't believe I did that right.

Mean I don't know if you talk yourself what that I sometimes alzheimer's and that -- positive right thing.

And it's actually very very ineffective right it's a very effective and -- and -- this watching my daughter's.

First grade classroom.

And the teacher was fabulous and how she was talking to the kids.

She was accentuating the positive if there were negative things that were happening in the classroom she didn't actually say anything about -- she just ignored them.

She just didn't didn't give it any attention and she went to the people who -- doing positive things and that was sending the message to these kids.

That if you get if you do the positive things -- gonna get my attention.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- If someone's doing something wrong we immediately jumped because we want to stop them from doing something.

Pleased to be doing something right all the time minutes and you'll notice that good news that -- they did everything right we don't mean to say anything but once she is something wrong.

Right that's when they don't think we should be doing exactly the opposite of -- right we should actually believe it or not be ignoring.

The negative things that are happening -- in the workplace.

And accentuating.

The positive things.

I mean I know on the I might be overly interpreting -- -- Probably pretty scary -- are some negative things right well you know there's something there that's a violation of ethics when there's.

But you know I've I've actually dealt a lot with the leaders and organizations recently were telling me how to -- fix the negative.

Morale in the negative feeling in the office right -- getting a lot of anger on election.

There's a lot of activity -- -- how do you fix that negativity.

-- and there are instinct is to tell people stop being so negative right right which only makes them in -- more negative exactly so the question is how.

How do you actually stop the negativity.

So what -- -- he -- to but I would tell them to do is ignore the negativity.

Find the one person who's being positive and or the one time that negative person is being positive.

And make a big deal about okay -- let them -- -- you know what else can I really appreciate the way you're thinking about this project.

I know it's a huge opportunity for the firm I love the way you're jumping into.

That's great ignore the fact that they complain for the last seven.

Because that's only gonna encourage them in the -- and -- and what you wanna do is you want to give attention to the behavior that actually works.

I like it yeah I -- I hope people.

Hop on to that that this goal of -- yeah.

You know they've done.

The doctor John government has done very agency research on divorce and bright.

And what he's found is to avoid divorce right now have a happy marriage.

Oh yeah portion of positive to -- -- -- comments.

I know there's so many women especially -- -- nags back that well you know -- meant to.

Very very critical it's really on both sides and and and what he's done in his research is a seven to one ratio.

You should be saying seven.

Positive comments and for every one negative comment.

So you know if you're thinking about your own relationships think through how many -- You've thrown out there for every negative comment and how many positive coverage you -- maybe you'll have a different.

You don't have marriage because we don't know how we operate T hello want Maine I don't words in the right way -- -- really need the person with today's massive funny if you just.

Transfer that mentality Taylor plays.

You know what about messages is it's all the same and how we -- to ourselves how we talk to our spouses and we talked toward children how we talk to our colleagues yet it's the same.

And if you fix fix your mentality.

A little bit to say.

What do I -- -- to get the most out of the people around the world wanted to get the most out of myself from what I wanna do to get the most out of my colleagues out of -- -- that you're getting the most out of your spouse but you're you're you're you're doing your best to create a positive environment -- everyone's happy.

And performs well for your kids for -- -- We know how to do that actually I mean it's not rocket -- -- we don't yeah.

But we have to fight our instinct yet.

When somebody does something and it really -- -- -- our response.

Is to get really Norton as a natural response but we're responding based on the it's not based on the future we're trying to create if something really annoys you.

And you respond in an annoyed when you're perpetuating the streak let me -- happy.

Absolutely right if if what you want to do is to be happy and -- happy people around you.

Then what you do is you focus on bowed out stressed the tightening -- on the on the happiness she wanted to create.

-- you ignore the other stuff.

And it actually works.

And I like it well what do you make of the fact that we had a guest on earlier saying that we're very stressed out.

This particularly on Monday morning on the weekends really cool new people -- yes I.

-- -- -- -- -- Yeah I'll I'll tell you I'll tell you must say -- my experience is that that has that doesn't hold clip from from my perspective.

Because.

I find -- if people are stressed out during the week.

They're pretty much carried out into the weekend that we -- is not I mean maybe effort two week vacation will be a little more relaxed.

You're more -- after a two week vacation -- -- -- like -- I -- a lot of work well that's also.

A lot of people who work very very -- and myself I'm included in this which is I come off of -- You know two week vacation.

And it's like I've had too much free time that the terrible thing.

The deal with it but I feel also with families who have little kids a two week vacation is not -- -- -- -- -- At two week vacation is actually -- -- -- -- -- -- your kids and otherwise.

I find that you know if if we manage their stress well during the week we manage it well during the weekend.

If we don't manage it well during the week you probably aren't managing -- well over the weekend.

-- don't worry everybody be happy Peter Bregman CEO advisor and foxbusiness.com.

Contributor we'll show you web saint Peter -- dot com.

Thank you for coming not and then.

-- there's -- -- as -- the right way to speak to your cell.

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